Writing Out Loud

I pondered all day that this day I turn 59 years old.  That’s a big number!  I know some people say “your only getting started” , and other words of inspiration.  Even now as I’m typing I’m have trouble thinking how do I explain how I feel.  I think I could use words like, scared, happy, relieved, proud, insecure.  Not the most solid feelings, you see?

I was in the gym today pushing weights around, seeing my reflection of a semi overweight dude that looks kind of in shape but not quite there.   I thought, thats the story of my life so far.  I have never really pushed hard enough.  No.. wait.  Really I have never APPLIED  myself 100% on anything in my life.  I kind of half ass it all.  If I’m lucky maybe I accomplished 75% of a goal.

Now if I were to follow the above paragraph with, things will be different now.  I’m going to change myself and do this, or do that.  Bullshit Michael.  Talk is cheap and you have been light on value on everything you promised yourself.

So now what?

I can list the things I claim I will do.

1. Improve my relationship with Jesus/God
2. My Wife.  Its great now but it can always be better.
3.  Lose Weight.
4. Gain muscle.
5. Be still.
6. Pay attention.
7. Volunteer
8. Shut up
9. Connect better with my family
   1. My Mother
   2. My Father
   3. My daughter
   4. My Son
   5. My Cousins
   6. My recently discovered half Sister
      1. My niece
   7. My two half brothers.
   8. My Uncles
10. Connect better with my REAL friends
    1. Army buddies
    2. Coast Guard buddies.
    3. 2 local buddies.  (and that’s a stretch)

One thing I have learned along my 59 year adventure.  Don’t call just anyone a friend.  That word is not to be used lightly.  I can tell you I have only one true friend that was closer to me than my own siblings.  He’s not able to communicate anymore as he is ruined from a motorcycle accident.

I’m developing some promising new valuable relationships today, I’m happy to say.  They know who they are.

Now this thought to paper so far is a little flat if not down right depressing.  But its keeping it real.  This is the way I really feel.

I want to be a better person.  I want to be in the moment.  I want to be present.

Okay, for what its worth.  Whoop there it is.  I’m proud that I can put this out there for you to read.

I love you all.

Show me your love.

Michael.