For The Love of US
Why is it so easy for me to know what we are going to say or do next? It’s easy. Because we are all alike. Somewhere along the way I stumbled onto the seemingly elusive distinction that none of us are unique from each other much at all. However there was a time in my head that I did not have that truth and I was stumbling through life thinking I was special and I was one of a kind. This kind of thinking unfortunately is mainstream with the human being. The more we live in that box with our blinders on and believe that we are the only one like you on the planet, it puts in motion a complicated , time consuming, energy draining, defensiveness.
However it’s hard to say where the payoff is with having this distinction versus not.
Before when I was part of the main herd I was more like everyone else living in a perception individual uniqueness, I too was an individual cell with my guard up constantly putting out communication that emulated a defense mechanism that unconsously on 24 hour duty protecting oneself from others. This mindset deflects the opportunity to feel real love and warmth and everyone you meet on any given day. Believe it not we are depriving ourselves of the love that stranger on the elevator or that person while passing each other in the hallway.
Once we realize that we are all the same, a paradyne shift in thinking occurs immediately. When we realize were all the same then we also realize that we all have the same fears. This affectively and exactly rids your mind and soul of all the crap we were carrying around that we thought we had to figure out freeing up precious space, for something else. We literally are lighter on your feet because we can just drop that crap right on the floor and step over that mound of nonsense that we don’t have to figure out. Not that we would have had enough time on the planet to do so in the first place.
Things like our relationships with our parents, bosses, and dog. How are we going to get ahead and why is that guy staring at me? Putting our spin on everything that ultimately comes out the same all the time. We get to be right, and the other gets to be wrong. That’s the payoff that too many of us are striving for in every aspect of our lives.
Sadly though the cost is communication. Once we make ourselves right and the other wrong communication stops. What is communication? Think we don’t need to have communication with certain people? Communication is everything. It’s what we communicate that defines us. It’s what comes out of our mouths that determine how we show up.
Ironically there is not a lot of communicating going on in the first place. Some people will occasionally have a “conversation” but there will be something different about it and it’s tagged with the word “deep”. But really it was just a conversation but with real communication. In this rare event for some reason the 2 parties involved that came out the other side of a “deep “conversation were really just listening to each other for the first time and therefore actually responding to that the other were saying and the value of that event is tangible.
Some of us reading this will be all we need to get some distinctions. Perhaps some reading this are judging and loading up on all that is wrong with this form of expression, or even me! But what if I asked you to check that thinking for just a couple more sentences and actually consider without prejudice, and allow some neutral consideration. Can we do that right now? Try this on.
There are 2 people sitting across from each other. They are talking. One person’s lips are moving and words are coming out. The other person takes their turn and express them self. They do this for a while, going back and forth, taking turns, and if you were observing you would come to the conclusion that 2 people have having “a” conversation. What if I told you that actually what you saw were actually 4 conversations. Allow me to try to explain.
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and while they are speaking and verbalizing, we are having our own conversation in our heads thinking of what were going to say as soon as that person stops talking? When they do and you begin to speak the other person right on queue starts up that little voice in their heads thinking about what they are going to say as soon as you stop talking. So on and so forth. So really neither one is truly listening to what the other is saying and therefore they are not really even communicating. You know this right? Sound familiar?
Now that we hopefully have this distinction free of charge we will remember this and when someone starts talking to us and we will realize that when we begin to have our own conversation on what we are going to say while the other is still talking, we will stop ourself. You will find that your reply’s will be on target and the likelihood of the other person walking away thinking, wow, that was a great conversation. They won’t know what happened but you will. You will find the more you do this the more people will migrate towards you. Seeking you out to converse with. Why?
Because communication feels like love.
It’s too late because now YOU have the distinction.